Well, this is me having a struggle with my own mind AGAIN. I really cannot believe that I chose to study in a place where I will never be safe. Usually, I want myself to be safe no matter how lame it is. I never stepped out of the box and took risk. But now, I did. I really don't know whether my decision is right but since we're financially unstable, I have decided to study for free but having a constant pressure not only from people around me but also to my own self. I know through my heart that my greatest fear is to meet the biggest disappointment that could happen in my life and this might be it. They trusted me on this but I couldn't believe in myself no matter what. The only one who could know me best is me, only I. Therefore, I must know if I can do it or not.
I really need help. God please help me with my studies all the way. I beliebve more in you rather than myself. You are the one who could help me the most.
I really don't know how to start this coz I'm not in my sanity at this moment. I really need help. I don't know whether I have made a right decision.
This afternoon, I just enrolled to DLS-CSB. Now, I think I am in a position that noone wants to be. I will be studying with constant pressure around me. I have a lot of questions in my mind. What if I won't be able to meet the criteria for me to continue having full tuition and fees subsidized? I'm really not believing myself.
I might be a little concerned with my hair I might need comfort more than my share I might seem to follow fashion and claim that I don't care my heart is your best friend when it rules my head
I might want to talk a lot but don't ask me why and I'll get impatient if you don't reply I might always search a lot for something wrong I want you to deny and if you just stay close and hold me when I cry
chorus don't try to understand me I'm just a girl one of the greatest mysteries you will find in this world not hard to handle I'm just a girl
I don't steal money but I want your time cause I give my life for you when you are mine and it hurts me more than I can say when you pull away but if you love me you should tell me every day
chorus
you might think I'm demanding but your mot understanding
I like to take advise but go my own way and when I hurt the most I swear I'm ok and it's always when you least expect I say I want to stay might take a single kiss to steal my heart away
chorus(times 2)
I'm just a girl(times 5)
This is Me
Sky Sweetnam
Everyone has got a secret side A winding path up to a door that's open wide You think you know me but I'm changin' all the time
'Cause if I wanna be sweet If I wanna be wild If I wanna cry like a child Wanna pick up the world in the palm of my hand I guess that's just who I am
Chorus: This is me Can't ignore it Reaching out Breaking free Constantly Falling forward Yeah, I'm just goin' for it This is me
Sometimes life is a confusing thing And when I talk it seems like no one's listening Try to be an angel, but I just can't find my wings
'Cause I wanna be sweet But I wanna be wild If I wanna find my own style So, I make a mistake, then I do it again But I do it the best that I can
Chorus
More than what you see Finding out who I can be
Chorus*3
"Someone's Watching Over Me"
Hilary Duff
Found myself today Oh I found myself and ran away Something pulled me back The voice of reason I forgot I had All I know is you're not here to say What you always used to say But it's written in the sky tonight
So I won't give up No I won't break down Sooner than it seems life turns around And I will be strong Even if it all goes wrong When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe Someone's watching over me
Seen that ray of light And it's shining on my destiny Shining all the time And I wont be afraid To follow everywhere it's taking me All I know is yesterday is gone And right now I belong To this moment to my dreams
So I won't give up No I won't break down Sooner than it seems life turns around And I will be strong Even if it all goes wrong When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe Someone's watching over me
It doesn't matter what people say And it doesn't matter how long it takes Believe in yourself and you'll fly high And it only matters how true you are Be true to yourself and follow your heart
So I won't give up No I won't break down Sooner than it seems life turns around And I will be strong Even if it all goes wrong When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe That I won't give up No I won't break down Sooner than it seems life turns around And I will be strong Even when it all goes wrong When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe That someone's watching over Someone's watching over Someone's watching over me
Turn down the lights, turn down the bed Turn down these voices inside my head Lay down with me, tell me no lies Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't You can't make your heart feel something it won't Here in the dark, in these final hours I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power But you won't, no you won't 'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see The love you don't feel when you're holding me Morning will come and I'll do what's right Just give me till then to give up this fight And I will give up this fight
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't You can't make your heart feel something it won't Here in the dark, in these lonely hours I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power But you won't, no you won't 'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
Last 19th of February, I have been accepted to De La Salle-College of Saint Benilde and I am also a candidate for the Honors' Scholarship. Therefore, I am eligible for full tuition and fees waived. At first, I was really overwhelmed that at last, I would have a chance to meet at least one of the guys of my dreams.
Just this day, I went to DLS-CSB to confirm my slot as planned. Along the way, I was so conscious about everything that I ended up in a mess. From the MRT ride upto finding the right place of the admissions, I was all googly and not in mind. As I got down the jeepney, I saw expensive cars all parked. Take note, all the drivers are staring at me as if I was lost. I also met (well, not really) cutie chinito guys staring steadly the same way. Anyway, most of the guys are Koreans. Another is that the girls at my age are so gorgeous compared to me.
I felt so down that I suddenly realized that I really don't belong and never be, ever. No matter how hard I do, there is no way that guys from there would notice me. If I study there, I would just be invisible. So, I think I have made my decision. This opportunity is not really the way for me to enter that world. This was from the start a way for me to realize that this simple world is where I really belong. It was like a mortal can never enter a fantasy kingdom and be a fairy. To end this, "Everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of....so they would know that it is not the answer". Or simply, this world is not the answer.
As I rest against this cold, hard wall Will you pass me by? Will you criticize me as I sit and cry? I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won Only to find the road has just begun
Is He not strong enough? Is He not pure enough? To break me, pour me out, and start again Is He not brave enough? To take one chance on me Please can I have one chance to start again?
Will my weakness far from now (?) make me suffer for a life time Is there anyway to be remade whole again? If I feel renewed and find forgiveness and find the strength I've never had Will my scares forever ruin all God's plan?
Is He not strong enough? Is He not pure enough? To break me, pour me out, and start again Is He not brave enough? To take one chance on me Please can I have one chance to start again?
He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around In my most desperate circumstance It's there I finally found
That You are strong enough That You are pure enough To break me, pour me out and start again That You are brave enough To take one chance on me Oh Thank You for my chance to start again
I am so caught up with these Asian cuties that I see almost everywhere that I usually waste my time thinking of them. I hate to say this but I think crazy over them. Arrrgh... Well, honestly, I have this so called crazy-over-a-guy syndrome thing that usually starts when I have a massively crush on this specific guy. This is a serious matter, I tell you, that my whole household companion are getting affected. It's like my 100% attention is on that guy.
In the end, I keep on waiting for that moment to come that he and I would meet and we'll live happily ever after. I know I must not because I might just end up in big disappointed if I won't be able to meet them through my entire life. I should snap back to reality and accept that no matter what I do, I cannot force myself to have them. My world and theirs have great distances. For example: their planet is the earth and mine is the pluto, which is recently declaired as just a minor planet. Right... *Deep_breath*
In anyway, I wanted to stop this craziness that turned serious disorder.Please help.
These are the guys I'm crazy about:
Mokomichi- tsuchiya of Gokusen 2Jin Akanishi
TVXQ- especially JAejoong
Yeah! It's quite funny and low but I'm taking these seriously...
Well, honestly, I have this so called crazy-over-a-guy syndrome thing that usually starts when I have a massively crush on this specific guy. This is a serious matter, I tell you, that my whole household companion are getting affected. It's like my 100% attention is on that guy.
Mokomichi- tsuchiya of Gokusen 2
Jin Akanishi